FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
