I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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