YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
