What did we do last night that was yellow?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
