i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
