I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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