my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
