Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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