____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
