He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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