i think my tv is drunk
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
