So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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