I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
