haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
