Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
