i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
