Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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