I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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