It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
