That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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