if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
