bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
