Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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