apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
