i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
