Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
