ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
