Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
