The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
