sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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