normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
