Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
