RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
