i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
