It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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