idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
