i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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