I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
