Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
