Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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