yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
