Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
