Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
