i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize