What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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