After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
