Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
