We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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