She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
