I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
