You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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