You're my little dorito
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
