I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
