so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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