just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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