He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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