She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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