I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
