u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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