So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The feeling are messing with the penis
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
