my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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