they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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