I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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