My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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