why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
