I'm jealous of your bromance
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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