her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize