Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
