I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Found the puke drawer
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Ladies don't puke and tell
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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