I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
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Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
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I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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