You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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