I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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