well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
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you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
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I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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