This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
