What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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