I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
