I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
